So here are my excuses. I don’t have any. Im so sorry I have been slack on my blog. maybe it was because i felt like its not that cool, or that maybe people just were not interested, but I’m over it. I had actually written a couple post on my phone but never published them. Maybe one day they will make it in a super exclusive box set entitled ”inside the mind of a lanky diabetes boy.”

     So let me catch you up on some great information. First of all, fall is right around the corner. I love fall. It’s so inspiring to me. It makes me want to write and play and just sing. Plus it reminds me of great times of life. So this fall there is a new record coming out!!!!!!!! For real, I have been talking about it for a while but now its going to happen. Im still trying to write a bit more before I go in to production, but i think this one is going to be good. I’m working with new people that I have dreamed to work with. and here’s the cool thing, its going to be acoustic. 

Thats right… simple, intimate, real, expression  all on a couple pieces of wood and strings. It should be very exciting. So tell your mom. 

Before I go I want to share a new song with you guys. I wrote it just the other night and its about those people you just cant let go of, and they will kind of fall out of your life a bit and then you see them again and they have a new hair cut or they got there braces off and realize how much your really not over them. and how much that sucks….

Its called “I’m not OK (Open Wound)”

——————————————————————————————————————

Oh the times have changed, I used to never go a day with out saying your name, seasons over take memory that has all the lines I used to say. Life isn’t easy today, I think that maybe its not worth it, But I know thats the easy way (the deadly way), I promised that I would change, that I would forget all about her, and I would move away and get a new last name/YOUR AN OPEN WOUND, STUBBORN ABOUT HEALING, I KEEP MY DISTANCE, TO OPRESS ALL MY FEELING, I CANT EXPLAIN YOUR THE SALT IN MY VEINS/ This diner’s not the same, our favorite spot has lost it’s pop, now what am I suppose to say (to your long face). You sit across from me, we both have trouble trying to breathe, mom said small was the key/TELL ME; THAT THIS IS NOT THE END, TELL ME; YOU STILL BELIEVE, TELL ME; THAT WE CAN EXCAPE, TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN/ then you say/IM AN OPEN WOUND STUBBORN ABOUT HEALING, YOUR WAITING ON MY LOVE, YOU CANT AVOID THE FEELING, NO MEASURE OF PAIN COULD EVER EXPLAIN/ This bandage that I’m holding, I’m losing all control, and I’ve never felt this way, I’ll be okay. The struggle is just beginning, I feel like winning till I see your face, I’m in last place. I’M NOT OKAY…

Long over due. leaving Saturday.

-Codes

The past couple of weeks, a lot has been on my mind. But mostly, as a twenty something, I’m trying to figure out who I want to be, and what I want to do. There are so many options and so little time. Do I want to settle or do I want to go big. The higher the dream, the longer the fall down. I’m hesitant, because like everyone else, I’m afraid to fail. I get so tied up with worrying about what it looks like, what image is presented? 

   So most of you know I draw a lot. I love to sketch, but I have always had a problem, I never finish the flippin drawing. I’m sure you have seen me do this… I’ll draw the left side of the face and when I get to the right, I never finish it. I have always though I would mess it up, but I think the real reason is because I focus so hard on the left that by the time it gets to working on the right side, I’m bored and I want to start something new. I think I’m getting there with my music. I have been working hard for a solid year and now I’m getting tired of my songs and my sound, I think that is normal, because I am at every performance, every practice, I was even there when I wrote the bloody song. But I’m just worried my listeners are starting to get that way, and that can’t happen.

               But at the same time, I need to finish the drawing. I want you to see the whole picture. Last night I played again at the Ice house. Usually I play 45 min. but yesterday I only played five songs due to weak vocals, but, I autographed a CD for someone for the first time. It was cool yet weird, I almost wanted to say “ok, now you sign it to..”

the economy is rough

-cB

If you read a bit below in past blogs, you’ll see that I started my “shave-master challenge” three days ago. I’ve been holding up good. I have gotten some compliments and hatred towards my cheapo “Shick disposable razor” and “Target brand” lather cream. But none the less I haven’t grown weary and missed a day. So today, I had a day off from work and junk and decided that It was time to buy some new blades. The past two days I have used my folks “cutter supreme knife set” and a rusty box cutter from the depths of the junk drawer. I suppose I wasn’t use to the sharpness of a new razor and today I cut my neck all up. Check figure 1-a. (Notice the cherub in the background in disbelief.)

Figure 1-A

I attempted to used toilet paper balls to clot the wounds, but I couldn’t get that to work. Lesson learned… light pressure when going around chin and jugular. Stay with me….

-cody

I have had (type 1) diabetes for 9 years 5 months and some odd days. I never talk about it unless someone asks, or I need to. There’s a reason. I have been avoiding it for the last 6 or 7 years. I’m not embarrassed nor shy, but because I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me and because I don’t take care of it.  My blood sugars have been bad since I was diagnosed, but their getting worse. My A1c (average blood sugar index) the last time it was checked was 14, it’s suppose to be 6 or 7. I am at high risk of diabetic comatose (coma) and serious long term complications (like blindness, kidney complications, amputations.) Doctors have told me it’s a wonder that I’m still walking, yet still alive. People die with an A1c of 14. And the saddest part of this all is that, most people with diseases cant control it, but I can. It’s all my fault. I could stop it if I tried but I haven’t tried. At this rate I might not make it to 30.

If you know nothing about diabetes, here is the run down. My pancreas doesn’t work like yours, and it doesn’t handle sugars and so the sugar is not suppressed with my natural ”insulin” and therefore ruins my body. So I take fake insulin to help regulate, like my body would normally. But because we are not as smart as our own bodies that God gave us, it’s unsteady and my body gets out of whack. Sugar is in every type of food just about, in several different forms of sugar, all acting in different ways, depending on my age, shape, exercise, mood, and health. It’s a tough game to play, I assure you…

          But even beyond that, I still don’t try to keep it controlled, and it concerns me and everyone who knows and loves me. I have a wife to take care of and I hope to have a family. God has plans for me and dreams and I am not doing what I can to make sure that I’m here longer!!! And for some reason that’s not enough for me. I have never been ready to say, Ok, this is serious. Until now…

        I’m ready to give it the best shot that I have. And I need every reader of this blog to help me. I have to take care of myself, starting today. First, I have to monitor myself better. That means testing my blood sugar. It needs to be done at least four times a day, now i probably test four times a week. 

       I have a doctors appointment next week and I don’t want to miss a beat till then. All I need from you guys is encouragement and prayers. This is a tough thing for me, I don’t know why it’s so tough but it is. Thank you so much for those of you who do pray for me already. I will keep you posted so keep checking back. I love you and thanks for your help!!

love

-cody burbage

This Friday is the day of dreams. Apple is releasing it’s newest version of the iPhone this friday and I will attempt to buy one. I have had a hard time with cell phones in the last year. People want to know why I have had so many phones and it’s because I cant find one that works. But I believe that this is it. I cant wait and I am excited about having to get to the AT&T store a couple hours early… just for the fun of it. So, call me friday so we can talk on my new phone. Now I just have to decide between the 8GB or the 16GB…

I went to high school at a private school. We had to shave every day and keep our hair trimmed. We had uniforms and always had to keep our shirt tails in. I have to say I was so excited when I graduated just because I wanted to grow a beard. So in the last 4 years I have probably clean shaved my face no more than 10 times. Well I have decide that its time for a change. I’m going to go clean for a while. I know its going to be tough to shave every day but I’m up for the challenge. And don’t think i’m becoming and old man now, this is just an experiment, besides, i could bring in some more hairs on my face, especially for a 22 year-old.

hope every thing is great.

-codes

Here i am in my kitchen, snacking before band rehearsal in 45 mins and i was just dwelling on my latest purchases and though I would give you a quick review on these products. Perhaps I could spare you some disappointments.

First is the over hyped “new” Coldplay record, “Viva la Vida.”

First of all, I love coldplay. Probably one of my all time favorites. There last three albums were awesome in every sense, and I herd about this record just recently before its release. I didn’t catch any promo or advertisements, but then again I haven’t listen to the radio in four years. Any way… I understand that a lot of people are loving this record, but I on the other hand am a little disappointed. I love the classic coldplay sound and to me “Viva La Vida” is robbed of that. I need to listen to it more before i say if its going on my ipod or not but so far Im concerned. But hey!! check it out, so far all i hear is great acclaim as one of there best albums, but I wonder if i bought the right CD?

I love john mayer. He is one of the biggest reasons I do what i do. when i herd no such thing on the radio when i was 15.. i was floored and said “I want to do that.” I Think he is completely brilliant. Yesterday he released his newest project and live album on CD and DVD. I bought the DVD and it is soooo much john mayer that i am surprised it only cost $10 at Best Buy. I feel like I should have payed a box set price for all of this, and its unbelievable. It’s so great! He plays three sets. The first is just a solo acoustic, then a 45 min trio set and finishes with the full band and the version people know him for. Its a great package of music and performance. Buy this!!

Me and Bran*D rented “Cloverfield” on demand Sunday night and I have to say this is a crazy film. Totally unexpected and somewhat disturbing. I had trouble sleeping after this movie and I’m not super easily startled. It’s all recorded with a home video camera and Is similar to the same style as “The Blair Witch Project.” Its ok. The effects look good and it defiantly makes you think. Like i’m still thinking about it at night and stuff… I’m telling you its crazy.

So those are what I got right now. Tell me what you guys think… for real, it would be fun.

do well,

   -c

Saturday afternoon I played a benefit show at a Starbucks here in town. It was so much fun. Since I started my musical endeavors at the age of 16 I have always dreamed of playing at a coffee house and this past saturday, it happened. Other than the sound of grounding coffee it was an awesome experience. I played a Two and a half hour acoustic set and I was backed up by my good friend Trey (TREX) Lewis. A lot of good friends came and some strangers bought CD’s and we got complimentary lattes’. Excellent. 

              Times are a changing and I’m feeling good. I’m finally getting over a bunch of baggage that has kept me from living in reality for the past year and a half. I feel energized, yet (physically) tired, I feel encouraged and focused (thanks to my friends, you know who you are). New art is sprouting from my mind new melodies in my ears. I am being introduced to new music styles and I am being stretched and formed as an individual. The future is promising.

            I have found that sometimes you have to say “NO.” Thats hard for because I like to make people as happy as I can. But I have also found that sometimes it feels so good to say no. To resist a burden that I know that I don’t need.

            Starbucks was great. Thanks for everyone that came out and thanks if you wanted to come out but couldn’t, It means a lot to me. I’ll be posting some pictures soon. Have a great night

love

-CB

I have to say i love life and i love those special thing and people that make that happen.

right now im wondering about who i am. my interest are changing and my passion is like a stalled storm.

I dont know how i feel about my music. and i dont know if its worth it. 

……..you can probably tell im a bit discouraged. but that is apart of the process especially in ART.

i bought a new book. The biography of jim morrison. Very interesting so far, but pretty good.

I finished a book. “Sex God” by Rob Bell. Its pretty awesome and great for anyone.

well, im kinda speechless so i guess ill go. i hope you are well

-code

Im in a great and awful stage of my life. IM IN TRANSITION. Im finding out who Cody Burbage is. And at times it scares me and at time it thrills me. Im changing from the things i like to the way I comb my hair. from the priorities in my life to the music i listen too. To the way i send emails to the way I manage my money to the way I talk to people. and I feel like I’m in a nasty looking ca-coon. WHO AM I?

Thats a question we all want to know, its what drives a lot of us insane. Its the cause for most of us going over the edge. But its also the reason that I’m not there yet. The reason I’m still here, raising my arms to a God I can’t see. Maybe he starves us of that so that we will rely on him to tell us who we are. We’ll then don’t tell me who I am God, starve me, starve me!

There are some songs that make me fall to my face literally. Fall hard to my face with a sense of hope brought by something that 75% of people don’t believe in. Thanks to those artist who create songs that paralyze me. I wish that it would happen more… 

I want to write songs like that. Songs that cut. My songwriting will probably change soon to something that answers to a Higher name.

I want to goto school and become a doctor. Know that I’m educated. Start something that God can use…

and speak to people with. This is Transition…

Love is the greatest

-Cody, your friend